So you might be thinking, why should I take relationship advice from someone in their 20s who isn’t even married? I understand completely. You don’t have to trust me, or even take my advice but the reason why I am sharing advice is because I have been in my current relationship for over 6 years and throughout those years we have always had (what I like to consider, a strong relationship) but just like any relationship we have had plenty of differences. 6 years is a pretty long time for me, we were bound to have disagreements. We have learned so much throughout this relationship and it has helped us grow our love in many ways. Through all of our struggles we are still learning daily, but I want to share one thing that helped our disagreements the most.
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Creating A Love That Lasts
I came across this book not too long ago, in fact my mother introduced me to this book – The 5 Love Languages. This was back at a time in my relationship where my partner and I were having a lot of differences and weren’t always seeing eye to eye (completely normal, it happens).
My mother told me that this book was worth the read and that she had a feeling it could really help to work through the differences we were having. I always take my moms advice, moms know best.
This book really did open my eyes and change my perspective on the kind of partner I was being. In a nutshell, there are 5 love languages, and I learned that each person’s love language is different. Your love language is basically how you “receive” love and what your perspective of being “loved” is.
So there are five love languages:
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
It’s important to figure out what your partners love language is and then putting that into perspective when you are trying to show them that you love them.
My love language is not the same as my partners love language. This is where the differences come into place. If I am loving my partner the way I want to be loved, I am failing. I need to love my partner the way he wants to be loved.
Let’s say your love language is words of affirmation. Now let’s say you compliment your partner all the time, you always tell your partner how thankful you are BUT your partner’s love language is NOT words of affirmation, it’s quality time.
You might notice your partner getting upset when you don’t put aside time to spend together. You become confused about why your partner is upset. You tell your partner all the time that you appreciate him/her? What’s wrong?
This is what’s wrong: Your partner’s love language is quality time and you are not putting aside the time to spend, which in return makes your partner feel unappreciated not loved at this time. Although, you might feel loved when you hear words of affirmation, it means MORE to your partner when you spend time together.
This book goes into so much more of an explanation and really opens your mind and eyes to your relationship. When you truly take the time to learn about your partner and discover your partners needs, you will feel that connection grow and your relationship becomes stronger. You can’t make the relationship all about what you want. Your partner’s wants are just as important.
Take the time to learn your partner’s love language, and give this book a read.
You can also find out what your love language is here.